Week 2 Story
This is a re-made story form The Cruel Crane and Crab.
The Cheerful Fish and Lonely Crab
There was a world were animal evolved to become like the human, they are called the Monster race. And had intelligent like us human, nothing had changed in their lives but one thing, that they could practice the martial art and they still haven’t forgotten their cruel nature so the world was still ruled by power where strong oppressed the weak, so it was a brutal world. The martial art they practice was unique because every time they leveled up they would become stronger and live longer for example if us mortal lived till 100 years, then If you breakthrough from level 1 to level 2 you multiply your live 100 times 20 so it would equal 2000 years, and on level 3 multiply 2000 to 30 and so on. Each martial art had 11 levels with nine sub levels on each level. By learning martial arts it makes you strong and fast plus you can control your body energy called Chi or Ki. It can see you’re your eyes better and make you see farther away, can hear anything from a far distance, and can feel the element around you and can learn how to control them. Such as Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, and Wood.
In the Mountain, there was a big lake, and by the lake, there was a tree where Crab lived alone, his name is James and 23 years old, plus prodigy at learning the martial art. James didn’t have any friends and was an orphan so nobody was there to teach him martial art, he could learn martial art because he found the martial art manual in the mountain and it was self-thought. One day James was sitting under the tree just wearing jeans and shirtless because it was really hot outside. Then suddenly he heard noise 1 mile away so he went to check what was happening. Then he saw a really beautiful girl, she was from the fish race and when the girl saw the crab she got scared because she saw that his entire body was covered in scar was red, so she thought he was enemy. James asks her, “What is your name and what are you doing here in my territory”. She answered while stuttering, “I-I am E-Elena, and I got l-lost while trying to find some med-medicine and now I don’t know the way to home.” Then James looked at her and said, “Where do you live?” she thought he was going to eat her so she again answered him while stuttering, “I-I live in H-Heaven city.” James said, ”Alright I will lead you back to your home.”
As James was about to turn around he saw Elena was bleeding from her legs and he asked her, “What happen to your leg?” Elena said, “I fell down from the big hill while trying to find my way back to home.” Then James said, “Show me your leg.” Elena got scared because she thought he might have a bad thought about her but she couldn’t say no she showed him her leg and next thing surprised her because when James started healing her she senses that his energy was stronger than her. She had practiced her martial art to the 5 levels by the age of 23 and he was a level higher than her at the same age because he looked the same age as her and that really surprised her.
Her view changes of James because he had helped her. After healing Elena, James led her back to home. When they reach the Heaven city Elena ask James “Where do you live?” James said, “I live in the mountain” she was surprised again because she thought he lived in the city then she asks again, “Why do you live there?” he answered again, “Because it peaceful there and I feel at home over there” then James asked her “Why are you asking me so many question? I don’t have any time for your question, bye we will meet again if destiny let us” Elena got mad said, “Alright I won’t bye” then she turns around and left, so did James but when James left she look behind saw and saw him until he faded from her eyesight.
Next day James was practicing his water attribute martial art suddenly he heard noise 1 mile away and went to check who was it and it surprised him to see Elena again. James asked her, “What are you doing here again, I told you this is my territory and nobody can come here as they wish” he said it with intimated voice but Elena didn’t back down and said, “Why can’t I come here and this is not your territory, everyone can come here.” Then James said with lazy voice, “Alright then I am not taking you back home, you can go back home by your self” then Elena said, “Then I will fallow you around” she followed him around and at night she went back home. Next day she back to disturb James again and he ignores her again, that happen for 3 months. Then one day Elena didn’t come back like usually she did, He got worried so he went to find her to see if she got into trouble or not. James feeling was right Elena did get in trouble, Evil Crane named Tyrant kidnapped her. When Elena was yelling when she was getting kidnapped, fortunately, James heard her voice and followed the voice. When he saw Crane was taking her away he got so mad that made him breakthrough levels 7 of the martial art and got stronger. Then he jumps in 40 feet the air where the Tyrant was flying using his wind attribute and cut his neck clean off and then caught Elena. She was crying and saying I was so scared and stuff like that, then they lived happily ever after.
Crane trying to fool fish to eat them.
Hi Jay!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very imaginative story. I enjoyed the leveling up idea! I suppose inhabitants of this world would wind up living much longer lives, if they were good at what they did. Your descriptions are vivid and I would enjoy learning more about this world. I would recommend using some tools to refine the grammar used, as I was a little confused in some places and I felt like this took away from the story a bit. I think my favorite part was the description of Crab, a self-taught orphaned martial arts hermit of 23 years. Very fun!
Hi Jay! I like that you gave the crab a name and age; the stories are usually devoid of any character development or emotions because of the lack of names and details but you have included that perfectly into your story! I like the dialogue that you used in your stories and the organization into paragraphs makes the story easy to follow.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was such a creative story. Growing up, I used to play video games with the neighborhood kids and our characters had attributes like the ones you described in your story. I loved reading this because it reminded me so much of my childhood! It was interesting how you described the characters too, particularly the ages. It made it feel more like a real story! I wonder if you had not put those ages how old the readers would have thought the characters were. I definitely think you should keep detailing your characters like the ones in this story because it makes them seem more real! I like that you also split the story up into paragraphs. This helped me read the story more easily because I could keep track where I was and also when the story was transitioning into a different "scene." Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteThis was such an incredible recreation of the story. When you mentioned different levels of martial arts it created an amazing plot aspect. I loved how you utilized this throughout the story and gave different levels to each character. I wonder if James was at the top of the levels relative to everyone else. At least this story makes it seem as though he is a master at what he does and can do much with his powers. I would love to know his back story and how he became so powerful. Maybe his family got tied into something he was doing? or he has always been alone in his studies without the distraction of others. I would love to know more about this character as he seems incredibly interesting with relation to the story. What if you brought it to an ending where the reader knows what happens between the two of them. I fell as though this would wrap up this incredible story.
ReplyDeleteJay, I really loved this story! The way you constructed a world that is so different than ours was really creative. By adding these rules to a new world I fell that the character's were able to really stand out and have their personalities clearly represented. Also, I loved how the characters had very distinct personalities from each other. Both of them seemed to be very independent. One thing I was wondering as I read this story was what the process of leveling up would be like? Is there a ceremony of some kind or do the characters feel their strength rise within themselves? What if there was some additional exposition to the story that really tied the settings and the story together? For instance, if James had a "level up" moment during the story, the reader would really understand the source of his power. Great story, I look forward to see more from you!
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