Introduction
My name is Jay Patel and my major is Management Information System (MIS). I think the coolest thing about my major is that it has both coding area where program computer and has business area to, not just one thing. I went to India this winter and it was really fun because it been 7 years since I been to India. It was really fun and I got to meet lot of my family member and lot of other people. I like to watch lot of movies and shows form different country like china, India, Japanese, Korea, and United States. Those are the main five countries I watch shows and movie from and I also like to listen rap and hip-hop music and my favorite artist are Drake, Charlie Puth, and Rihanna etc. I also like to play sports such as Ping-Pong, Basketball, Cricket, and Volleyball. Cricket sports is really popular in India so I been playing that since I was 5 years old and I still play it. My wish is to do sky diving because it would be fun but my family say no to me for that because
Hello Jay!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your first story about Rama. I love science fiction and yours really gave me that feeling! It's interesting how you added so much detail, such as the different energies and the certain hours to create things. Did you pull some inspiration from a book or video game? If so, what is it called because it sounds really cool! I also liked how the ending of your story was a cliff hanger, and it really made me want to read more. What if you changed it to where someone from the human race was inside of the bush instead of a monster race? Would you write it to where the human was going to hurt Rama or would you have the other human help him? Also, I think changing the name "Story 1" to something a bit more descriptive of what your story is about will help your readers later on to navigate your website!
Hello Jay!
ReplyDeleteI admire the way you are attempting to retell Rama’s birth story. There are a couple of grammatical errors which make the story a little difficult to read but this is totally fixable by proofreading so I would suggest that! I also think there are different ways you can supplement your post with more plot and establishment of the characters. One way is by including an author’s note with background information. This would be helpful for readers to understand which story you are retelling and also, what were your motivations prior to writing this.
Your developing website, in my opinion, would be more appealing if you used more visually attractive accessories, such as an image for the banner or more images in your story post. I think a descriptive title, highlighting what is expected in the story, might make more readers interested in reading.
Overall, nice work retelling the story! I look forward to reading more.
Hello again Jay!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of Rama's rebirth in another plane of existence, and I also enjoyed the three-tiered pop which followed his birth. I wonder how people would survive a -100 temperature drop every time an ice-attribute character is born! Your explanation of how a human body copes with the incarnation of a deity is something I wondered about after reading both our major epics, and I really liked that all the memories they carried were just... temporarily wiped out. This makes sense to me because I doubt a normal human infant could begin to handle all of the knowledge and experiences someone of Rama's ilk had endured.
I would highly recommend using some type of grammar-check software, as I was somewhat confused early on in the introduction by several verb conjugation conflicts and run-on sentences. There are free programs online (such as grammarly.com) which can identify conjugation issues and assist with basic grammar. Using one of these would really strengthen your stories.
Finally, I would enjoy seeing a bit of an outline in the introduction: what will be covered over the course of the storybook. All in all, a fun and creative approach!
Hey Jay! I really like your website! It is so cool that you spent so much time on your introduction. I can tell that you really enjoy all of the learning and reading that we are doing in this class. I really enjoyed reading about Rama in your introduction. It is so cool to read everyone’s stories in this class because I feel like I have learned so much not only from my own research, but especially from all of you guys and what you have written from your own research. I would like to know what your inspiration was for writing this introduction. Where did you read your information? Did you go to the Bizzell Library or did you read online? Either way I really appreciate your writing because it shows that you care about the topic. I know a lot of time even when I write it is difficult to really get into the meat of the original story, but you do not seem to have that problem! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi there, Jay!
ReplyDeleteI really like the layout of your website. I think that the neutral header allow for you to use any picture in your story while still looking nice overall. In your introduction, it is evident that you put lots of time into perfecting all of the details. This is so important for the type of story you are writing as it may be confusing to someone that doesn't know that Rama is of a different kind and that he has special powers due to his past and what he went through.
For your revision, I would recommend copying your story and pasting it into Word. I always do this because I often make several grammatical errors that I never catch no matter how many times I re-read my stories.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I look forward to re-visiting your project as your continue to develop more stories!
Jay Rama Epic Tale
ReplyDeleteHi Jay! I found the introduction to your storybook interesting! I especially enjoyed the image you used for Rama, and I'm curious to see where your narration goes from here. The word "teleportation" definitely jumped out at me, and so that makes me wonder what you're going to do next. I think one thing that would be helpful in this story is an author's note. For all of the stories this semester so far, the author's note has been a great way to orient our brains in the same way as the blogger, so that we don't misunderstand. Rama is such a huge person to write about, and I think an author's note explaining what you're pulling your inspiration/ideas from would be stellar. Great work on this first section! I think it would also be nice to have some more sensory detail, etc, for example not saying outright "Rama is the main character," but instead letting the reader come to that conclusion naturally, just by reading.
Hey Jay! I just realized that your brother Jeet is in this class too. I love that both you and your brother are in this class at the same time. One thing that I think is neat is how you guys both are doing storybooks! I like that you chose Rama and are choosing to do something new and creative with him. The Ramayana is probably my favorite of the two books and Rama is a character that I really relate too. One thing that I appreciate about your writing is how descriptive you get with the dialogue. I can definitely tell that you thought about these stories before hand and also read a lot of stuff pertaining to these types of things. Also, the image for the 'pitiful rama' is really cool and I think it sets up greatly for what you are talking about! Thanks once again for sharing and I look forward to reading more of your stuff!!
ReplyDeleteHey Jay!
ReplyDeleteThe first thing I noticed is that you might want to add a bit of info on the home page just so people know what they're getting into! Maybe a picture or a descriptor and a link to your comment wall would be helpful. Your intro is really interesting, it's evident that you thought a lot about this retelling of Rama in a more supernatural way than we were presented with in the readings. I would recommend some kind of grammar checker like the other commenters suggested just to make your story flow more smoothly and get from point A to B without confusion!
Your story was interesting too, seeing Rama be so powerful as just an infant really sets up what he is going to be capable of! As I said before, it's really obvious you put a lot of thought into these stories, so great job!
Hey Jay! I'm from the Mythology and Folklore class and was very excited when we got the opportunity to read stories from this class this week! First off, I like the simplicity of your website; sometimes too much chaos can ruin the reading experience and your website looks very sleek and clean! Good job with that! I really liked your introduction. You did a very good job of explaining who the main character is, what happened to him, and what his purpose is. His life (for lack of a better word) sounds very interesting. The line "Seal the Memory" is so intriguing because it's so vague yet specific at the same time if that makes sense. You do a very good job of writing in detail and that makes it easier for the audience to read and to keep engaged the whole time! Keep up the great work and good luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Jay great job on your storybook so far! The stories are very easy to access and the website is designed really well for the story. You have chosen a very interesting topic to write your storybook about and you have done a great job so far. I really like how you are primarily focused on Rama throughout the story because adding more characters can make the storybook more confusing to read. One thing I would recommend doing is adding more description to each of the parts of the story. It seems like you have a lot of moving parts to the story, but there isn't a lot of description behind them, so I get a little confused reading the story. I do really like the different parts of the story though. It makes the storybook really interesting to read and adds a lot of depth to the story. Great job on your storybook so far!
ReplyDeleteThe Introduction’s first few sentences feel very choppy and confusing. You might try rewriting it like “The main character of this story is Rama. He died on the planet Earth and crossed over to a different universe while retaining all the memory of his past”.
ReplyDeleteThroughout the rest of the introduction it was really hard to follow you, I think in part because you keep changing tenses. In fact, that issue permeates most of the project in total. I struggle with that too! It’s really frustrating sometimes because depending on what you’re writing, different styles can be more potent. I find a first person narrative gives a feeling of spontaneity and freshness, it feels like it’s happening RIGHT NOW. Third person can make a story feel more cohesive and easy to digest...a thing happened and I’m telling you about it. It’s historical, more at a distance.
I like your concept of Rama being a martial arts warrior and the abandonment of his parents being a stand-in for exile. I also like the idea of him having three personalities he has to learn to control. I always thought reincarnation had a kind of interesting connection with Dissociative Identity Disorder, not literally but as an artistic concept. It’s an interesting element to put in a story about Rama because he’s been reincarnated so many times.
Hey Jay,
ReplyDeleteSomehow I never ran across your portfolio so this week I finally get to read it. I am glad I finally got to read your stories. I really liked Pitiful Rama because of the description of the white tiger. Growing up my older sister loved white tigers, so that brought back a lot of memories. I also loved baby Rama, he just sounds so cute. Good job. I also enjoyed Rama Awakens, and Three Personalities?, because of its description. I liked the part that they look like ants, that just shows how powerful he his. I enjoyed Energy, Soul, and Body Martial Arts. I was intrigued by all the stages and how descriptive they were. I loved how he fought for Sita's love. We all go a little crazy over love. I really enjoyed your whole portfolio. I hope you have a great rest of the semester. Goof luck on your finals.
Hey there, Jay!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time having the chance to check out your storybook project. I know it is a little late, but I am glad that I had the opportunity to look at some new projects for the final week. I was really impressed with your overall layout of the website. It is labeled well and that makes for easy navigation. I also thought that your choice of text was nice. I liked how each story had a title box at the top. I also liked each of the background images for your story and how they were each unique. I noticed that you used very authentic photos at the end of each story. They were very high quality and made for a nice reading and viewing experience. I think your representation of Rama was very well done. He is such an awesome hero to write about. I think you did a great job capturing his true essence.
Hi, Jay!
ReplyDeleteI just read your storybook and they were so great! I really liked how kept Rama as the main focus and so you kept the tie to the Indian Epics strong. The images you added for each story were also great and helped me imagine the actual characters. The white tiger was a cool addition as well; they were my favorite animal when I was little so I am kind of partial to them. You also did a good job of adding dialogue to the stories so that the characters came to life. I know that this is the last week so you are probably not, but I wish there was one to story to wrap it all together nicely. Your stories are so well put together that it would be cool to read a finale. I am so glad I got the chance to read this right before finals!
Hi there, Jay!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that I get the opportunity to read your work again. I love getting to see the progress that has been made since I last had the chance to read! As the semester is coming to an end, I can see all of the hard work you have put into your project and it has come together wonderfully! I love that you continue to use great images throughout your project as I feel it helps your reader truly envision each character throughout the story.
I also think you made a great decision by using Rama for your stories. He is such an amazing character throughout the history of Indian Epics and I am sure you had a blast getting to explore more about him throughout the duration of your project.
Thank you so much for sharing and I wish you the best of luck as you finish up your semester.